Joker: You must sing. No talking. If you want to sing, put your hand down and raise your foot. Hello, I’m your substitute teacher.
Kid 1 : Why do you have fairy wings?
Joker : I want to be a fairy.
Kid 2: Why are your fairy wings broken?
Joker : I broke them so I could get a wish, it did not work. I’m going to tell you a story.
Kid 1 : Is this story appropriate for kindergartners?
Joker : Definitely not.
Kid 2 : Can I not hear this story?
Joker : Yes, but if you do I will kill your mommies.
Kid 1 : No! Not our mommies! You are a monster.
Joker : I am not a monster. I’m a lunatic. There’s a very very very very small difference.
Kid 2 : What is the difference?
Joker : The difference is that the government doesn’t kill lunatics for some reason.
Once spot a time, there was a great hero. He is the embodiment of darkness and vengeance. I called him fluffles but to most he was Batman, but he will always be fluffles to me. Once spot a time there was a man broken from a young age, dealing with pain nobody should at that age. Don’t you want to be him? Let’s see him at his sixth birthday with all the joy in the world.
Thomas: Hello Brucey, happy birthday.
Bruce : Where are the cookies? There are just crumbs.
Thomas : It looks like there was a mouse. Brucey, someone is next to the door. Since all the servants are on their day off, can you go down stairs to see what’s going on?
Bruce : Hello, I’m Bruce Wayne. What’s your name?
Lex: I am Lex Luther.
Bruce: Why did you steal my cookies?
Lex: Before the cookies, I have not eaten in a week.
Bruce : If I didn’t know better, I would’ve believed you. You are very skinny.
Lex : I am serious.
Bruce : Dad, the kid’s name is Lex. He is very skinny. He says he had no food since last week and that’s why he stole the cookies. That can’t be true, right?
Thomas : Brucey let him in. It is time that I tell you this. There are people that are a billion times less fortunate than us especially in Gotham. People like Lex.
Joker : Two years later.
Bruce : Dad, I knew Thomas Eliot was not coming to my birthday, but I still hoped that he would come. Now no one came to my birthday.
Thomas : Lex came.
Bruce : He lives in the same mansion.
Thomas : He lives four stories away. We are going to go to eat food made by the world famous Chef Egg Fu.
Bruce: Yes ! I love Egg Fu’s food.
Joker : Thirty minutes later.
Thomas : We are here.
Joe Chill : You three are going to die. Pew pew pew
Bruce : No no no no no!
Ambulance : Weu weu weu.
Joker : A week later.
Alfred :Bruce, I’m so glad you’re alive.
Bruce : Alfred, find the most powerful warrior that is looking for someone to train.
Alfred : I found what you were looking for. Lady Shiva is a powerful assassin. She helped the Chinese government on many occasions. She lives in Tibet.
Bruce : I need vengeance. Crime has to pay. This assassin can help me get my vengeance.
I won’t let my parents’ death be in vain..
Alfred : You’r training with a criminal to stop criminals.
Bruce : Lady Shiva worked with the Chinese government. So she is not a criminal.
Alfred: This can’t be healthy.
Bruce: Healthy! Who cares about health when crime is all over the place killing innocents. I’m going to train in Tibet and then come back to Gotham.
Alfred : Master, you just got shot and saw your parents die in front of you. Now you want to train under an assassin. I think boarding school would be a better fit. What about Lex Luthor? Do you want to leave your best friend?
Bruce I don’t want to leave Lex, but crime needs to pay. Alfred, please tell Lex.
Alfred : I’m not going to let you become an assassin.
Bruce : I’m not going to become an assassin.
Alfred : Well, that’s what it looks like you are going to become. I am not going to let you go to Tibet.
Bruce : You are not going to stop me. I’m going to hire guards to stop anyone trying to stop me.
Joker : Eight hours later.
Lady Shiva : You’re the billionaire Bruce Wayne. Why are you here?
Bruce : I heard you were looking for someone to train.
Lady Shiva : Why do you want me to train you? Do you think it is going to be fun? Because it is not going to be fun.
Bruce : No, my parents were killed by criminals and I need vengeance
Lady Shiva: This won’t be easy.
Bruce : I know, this will be hard.
Lady Shiva : First, you need to create a persona to bring fear to the darkest hearted. The first step is to use your anger to bring fear. Now you need a powerful, terrifying name.
Bruce : What about Batman?
Lady Shiva : Now, make a suit that everybody fears.
Joker : 12 years later
Bronze Tiger : I am the Bronze Tiger. For too long the Chinese have oppressed the people of Tibet. I am fighting for Tibet. I don’t care how much death and destruction I cause.
The ends always justify the means . Tibet needs to be free. You need to break some eggs to make an omelet. I have an army of trained warriors, not forced citizens. The right side is going to win and I am going to win.
Joker : A day later.
Lady Shiva: Bruce, it’s time you use your skills in real life. There is this terrorist. He is called the Bronze Tiger. He is causing death and destruction. He needs to be stopped.
Joker : Three months later.
Bronze Tiger : You are known as Batman. You have been defeating my troops more than the Chinese, but you can’t beat me. So I challenge you to a one on one battle with no weapons and masks. I’m fighting for what’s right and I am going to win.
Bruce : You are known as the Bronze Tiger.
You have been defeating the global superpower known as China but you can’t beat me. I agree to your terms. I don’t need fancy gadgets to beat you. I will show my face. I’m fighting for what’s right and I’m going to win.
Joker: A day later
Bronze Tiger. You are a billionaire!
Bruce: Let’s just fight.
<epic fight scene>
Bronze Tiger : I surrender.
Joker : An hour later
Bruce : Lady Shiva, I have captured the Bronze Tiger
Lady Shiva : Do you know why I became an assassin?
Bruce : No. Why?
Lady Shiva : I became an assassin to kill people who kill innocents but say they are fighting for liberty. People like Bronze Tiger. They are liberating people from life. If we kill them. We are saving innocent lives. You are going to kill the Bronze Tiger. The first kill is always the hardest. There is a thought. That Bronze Tiger doesn’t deserve to die. That thought is thinking of him is innocent. He is not innocent.
Bruce: Pause. For just a second I realized that I needed something to stop me from becoming a monster. The three bat commandments. Number one. Torture is a last resort. Torture can be a good way to get info, but should be a last resort to get info. Number two. Disregard the law. I can’t let the law stop me from my vengeance. Number three. No killing. Killing is an irredeemable act. If I kill, what makes me different from those I fight. Unpause.
Bruce : Bronze Tiger run.
Lady Shiva : You have betrayed me. Go now.
Bruce : Let’s see if Lex kept his phone number the same. Hey Lex.
Lex : Is that you, Brucey
Bruce : Yes. Don’t call me Brucey
Lex : It’s been 13 years since I last heard your voice. How’s it been?
Bruce :It’s been OK. I am now a powerful warrior. I am now known as Batman.
Lex : You are Batman! Well, I’m going to send you a plane to Gotham. I’m going to get Thomas Elliot to meet you too.
Bruce : No. He might still be mad at me for promising that his parents will survive but they don’t survive.
Lex : OK.
Joker : Eight hours later.
Bruce : Hello. I was surprised when I heard you took my place as CEO. Congratulations, Lex. Or should I say Mr Luther. Can you please make a lie for why I was gone for thirteen years.
Lex : OK Brucey.
Bruce : Don’t call me Brucey
Lex : You chose that nickname. I made this company amazing. It will be hard to leave it.
Bruce : What, you’re leaving?
Lex : Of course. I am not going to let you be in charge of me
Bruce : I was looking forward to that.
Lex : I’m going to call my new company LexCorp. You should make a public statement.
Bruce : Tomorrow. I have more pressing matters to attend to.
Joker : An hour later.
Alfred : Bruce, your back!
Bruce: I told you I would come back.
Alfred : Are you an assassin?
Bruce : No. I don’t kill. I am still going to fight crime. Do you know anyone who has the same goal as me, that I should work with?
Alfred : Yes. There are two that come to mind. First, is commissioner Jim Gordon. He is a trusted police officer. One of the few that are not corrupt. His most famous quote is I only trust one percent of my officers. He is probably in his police station.
Joker: Thirty minutes later.
Bruce : Hello, I’m Batman. You can’t defeat Gotham crime without help. Most of your cops are taking money from those they swore to fight. You said it yourself. You only trust one percent of your cops. Why not get a powerful warrior on our side. Why not let me fight with you and your one percent under my own terms.
Jim Gordon : Batman you are right . I am desperate, but don’t you think I’m going to let a Tibetin warrior who wears all black…. Wait, you are known for siding with the government. You did that in Tibet. OK, I agree, but at the first clue of betrayal, the deal is off.
Joker :Thirty minutes later.
Alfred: Did Jim say yes to the deal?
Batman : Yes. Who’s next.
Alfred : For the first time in Gotham history, a rich person got prosecuted. The one who prosecuted him is a great prosecutor named Harvey Dent.
Joker: Thirty minutes later.
Harvey : Are you an assassin sent to kill me
Bruce : No, I’m here to help you. You are known as a great prosecutor. You prosecuted a billionaire but you need a lot of evidence to prosecute the rich.
Harvey : What’s the catch? Who do you want me to prosecute? Because I only prosecute murderers.
Bruce: There’s no catch. I just want these crime lords locked up.
Harvey : I agree to the deal.
Joker : One day later.
Lex : It is time for the public statement.
Bruce : Hello, I’m Bruce Wayne. I’m back from a coma to make my city and country better. I have already donated millions to charity. Yes, those donations you have been reading about are from me. That’s all I have to say.
Joker: An hour later.
Alfred : Bruce. There is a crime lord atacking sumer street.
Joker: The end. No questions. Class dismissed. I will be back for Catwoman origins.