Kid 1 : What is do doom?

Joker: Do doom is when the joker poops on everybody’s hopes and dreams. So don’t eat your hopes and dreams. It started when I learned the truth about the world, but I won’t tell you because I’m so kind.

Kid 2 : If you’re so kind why are you telling us these dark stories?

Joker : This story is darker then the last. This story is about Selena Kyle aka Catwoman. She is the evilest person in the multiverse.  I pooped on her hopes and dreams and in revenge she stole fluffles from me.

Kid 1 : You deserved that.

Joker : Let’s get on with the story.

Kid 2 : Can I go to the bathroom.

Joker : Yes, but then I will kill your mommys .

Kid 1: No not our mommys.

Joker: Once spot a time, there was a villain. The protector of the poor. I called her the monster who stole fluffles from me . To most she was a catwoman, but she will always be the monster who stole fluffles from me to me to me. Let’s see her on her 19th birthday with all the pain in the world. Let’s get in the mind of evil.

Selina:  Enemies are everywhere.when you are a thief, you have to be fast . don’t want to die? Gotta go fast. I can only sleep two hours a knight. each hour at different times. All the people with power want me dead. I need to be the best or I will be dead. My sister, Maggie, makes the plans and l execute the plans without executing anyone. I am called an idiot for that, but if I ever cross a line.I can’t bear to think what Maggie would say. While the rich get everything they want and more. you can’t be poor in gotham and survive without committing some crimes. In a world where the rich can do whatever they want. The rich created a wall from the west end to stop us from where the rich live. The poor are forced to steal. Some criminals create gangs to survive, but the gangs end up as flawed as the system. For most gangs you have to kill one of their enemies to join.I am not part of a gang . I only steal from the gangs  when I have to. I only steal food that I need to survive . I am going to the meaning place. I hope Maggie’s not dead.

Joker: Let’s get out of the mind of evil.ten minutes later. so you know Maggie is in a wheelchair.

Selina: I have got the food.

Maggie: We should split the food into 28 pieces. we will each eat one a day. We don’t know when we will get food again.

Selina: Did you know that rich people have three meals a day . each meal 10 times as big as this entire piece of bead . made by the most talented cooks in the world to make their taste buds happy.

Magie :You’re joking.

Selina : I’m being serious. The rich have it so incredibly good, but they want more and everyone else surfers because of it. It’s song time. You know the rules. I ask you to sing a song. You sing that song, then we switch.I want you to sing a new song.

Maggie : Look at the sunset. It’s beautiful even though it’s blocked by the ambition of the rich. It’s still beautiful . No matter what the rich do, they can’t block it. It still shines as a beacon of hope. The one thing you still get if you’re poor. 

It’s the end of one chapter and the start of the next.  There’s always a possibility that the next chapter will be happier than the last. The rich can’t take away the sunset and they will never take that one joy away. Now you sing the good song.

Selina : You know it has a name.

Maggie : Just sing it.

Selina:  Through the dark times. Through the pain . We have two things to help us survive. The first thing we have is hope for a better life. The most important thing we have is each other.  We will use each other to help us through the dark times. We will get a better life together. We will go through the hardest trials and survive because we have each other. We will mend to each other’s wounds both mentally and physically. let’s fight through the dark times. We might even get a happy ending.

Stan lee: By the order of the joker, you are going to die.

Joker: Selina steals the gun.

Selina: No, you’re going to die in 10 seconds. 1, 2, 3

Stan Lee :Your bluffing. You won’t kill me because you don’t kill and that is going to be your downfall. 

Joker: Stan lee steals the gun.

Joker: Stan Lee shot Maggie in the heart.

Stan lee : Bye.

Maggie : Seliana, I’m scared.

Selina : Don’t be scared. You dealt with the streets of Gotham. You can definitely deal with death.

Maggie : Thank you for keeping me alive for so long.

Selina: Maggie you were the reason I kept myself alive. I love you Maggie.

Maggie: I love you too. Can you please sing me the good song,  one last time.

Selina:  Through the dark times. Through the pain . We have two things to help us survive. The first thing we have is hope for a better life. The most important thing we have is each other.  We will use each other to help us through the dark times. We will get a better life together. We will go through the hardest trials and survive because we have each other. We will mend to each other’s wounds both mentally and physically. let’s fight through the dark times. We might even get a happy ending.

Joker :  A week later. let’s get back into the mind of evil.

Selina : Why do you keep yourself alive? There’s someone who keeps you alive. when she dies, the only reason you still keep yourself alive is because she would want you to stay alive.  You have to deal with the pain. I am the only one who cares that the world lost a treasure. I bared her in the spot she died. Everyday I think about ending my suffering But that’s not what Maggie would want. All the days Maggie worked on making sure I survived. It would not be fair. Every Night I sing the song she wanted me to sing. I can’t forget her.what I would give to see her one more time.

Joker : Let’s get out of the mind of evil.

Talia : Catwoman,you know the world is unfair. The rich are killing  Innocent kids .

Selina : Get to point .

Talia : Of course. I know a way you can help.

Selina: How?

Talia: Steal from the rich and give  to the poor, but if you want real change, you need help. That’s where we come in. We will give you the tools and info to help kids like Maggie.

Selina: So this is not a gang?

Talia: No, it is an international organization.

Selina : Does it have a name.

Talia: It’s called the league of assassins.

Selina:So, I will kill if I join?

Talia : Yes,  some people need to die. If you agree, you will have to train in Saudi Arabia.

Selina : I will have to think about it.

Talia : Ok .I am curious, where did you get the name catwoman. 

Selina: Maggie came up with it.

Joker : An hour later. Let’s get back into the mind of evil.

Selina : What would Maggie want me to do. I need to make my life worth living. Maggie would want me to do what helps the most people. She never liked the idea of killing. I did not either, but if i had killed that man, Maggie would be alive right now. killing is probably the best way of doing some lasting good. If the league is a trap, I can escape.the league is my best option. What if by joining the league, I am not doing what Maggie would have wanted. If I join and kill, there’s no going back. I will take the risk and join the league.

Joker : The end. class dismissed. I will be back for batman vs catwoman.

Kid 1 : Why do you have fairy wings?

Joker : I want to be a fairy.

Kid 2: Why are your fairy wings broken?

Joker : I broke them so I could get a wish, it did not work. I’m going to tell you a story.

Kid 1 :  Is this story appropriate for kindergartners?

Joker : Definitely not.

Kid 2 :  Can I not hear this story?

Joker : Yes, but if you do I will kill your mommies.

Kid 1 : No! Not our mommies!  You are a monster.

Joker : I am not a monster. I’m a lunatic. There’s a very very very very small difference.

Kid 2 : What is the difference?

Joker :  The difference is that the government doesn’t kill lunatics for some reason.

Once spot a time, there was a great hero. He is the embodiment of darkness and vengeance. I called him fluffles but to most he was Batman, but he will always be  fluffles to me. Once spot a time there was a man broken from a young age, dealing with pain nobody should at that age. Don’t you want to be him? Let’s see him at his sixth birthday with all the joy in the world.

Thomas: Hello Brucey, happy birthday.

Bruce : Where are the cookies? There are just crumbs.

Thomas : It looks like there was a mouse. Brucey,  someone is next to the door. Since all the servants are on their day off, can you go down stairs to see what’s going on?

Bruce : Hello, I’m Bruce Wayne. What’s your name?

Lex:  I am Lex Luther.

Bruce: Why did you steal my cookies?

Lex: Before the cookies, I have not eaten in a week.

Bruce : If I didn’t know better,  I would’ve believed you. You are very skinny.

Lex : I am serious.

Bruce : Dad, the kid’s name is Lex. He is very skinny. He says he had no food since last week and that’s why he stole the cookies. That can’t be true,  right?

Thomas : Brucey let him in.  It is time that I tell you this. There are people that are a billion times less fortunate than us especially in Gotham. People like Lex.

Joker : Two years later.

Bruce : Dad, I knew Thomas Eliot was not coming to my birthday, but I still hoped that he would come. Now no one came to my birthday.

Thomas : Lex came.

Bruce : He lives in the same mansion.

Thomas : He lives four stories away. We are going to go to eat food made by the world famous Chef Egg Fu.

Bruce:  Yes ! I love Egg Fu’s food.

Joker : Thirty minutes later.

Thomas : We are here.

Joe Chill : You three are going to die. Pew pew pew

Bruce : No no no no no!

Ambulance : Weu weu weu.

Joker : A week later.

Alfred :Bruce, I’m so glad you’re alive.

Bruce : Alfred, find the most powerful warrior that is looking for someone to train.

Alfred : I found what you were looking for.  Lady Shiva is a powerful assassin.  She helped the Chinese government on many occasions. She lives in Tibet.

Bruce : I need vengeance. Crime has to pay. This assassin can help me get my vengeance.

I won’t let my parents’ death be in vain..

Alfred : You’r training with a criminal to stop criminals. 

Bruce : Lady Shiva worked with the Chinese government. So she is not a criminal.

Alfred: This can’t be healthy.

Bruce: Healthy! Who cares about health when crime is all over the place killing innocents. I’m going to train in Tibet and then come back to Gotham. 

Alfred : Master, you just got shot and saw your parents die in front of you. Now you want to train under an assassin.  I think boarding school would be a better fit.  What about Lex Luthor? Do you want to leave your best friend?

Bruce I don’t want to leave Lex, but crime needs to pay. Alfred, please tell Lex.         

Alfred : I’m not going to let you become an assassin. 

Bruce : I’m not going to become an assassin.

Alfred : Well, that’s what it looks like you are going to become. I  am not going to let you go to Tibet. 

Bruce :  You are not going to stop me. I’m going to hire guards to stop anyone trying to stop me.

Joker : Eight hours later.

Lady Shiva : You’re the billionaire Bruce Wayne.  Why are you here?

Bruce : I heard you were looking for someone to train.

Lady Shiva : Why do you want me to train you?  Do you think it is going to be fun? Because it is not going to be fun.

Bruce : No,  my parents were killed by criminals and I need vengeance

Lady Shiva:  This won’t be easy.

Bruce : I know, this will be hard.

Lady Shiva : First,  you need to create a persona to bring fear to the darkest hearted. The first step is to use your anger to bring fear.  Now you need a powerful, terrifying name.

Bruce : What about Batman?

Lady Shiva : Now, make a suit that everybody fears.

Joker : 12 years later

Bronze Tiger : I am the Bronze Tiger. For too long the Chinese have oppressed the people of Tibet.  I am fighting for Tibet. I don’t care how much death and destruction  I cause.

The ends always justify the means .  Tibet needs to be free. You need to break some eggs to make an omelet. I have an army of trained warriors, not forced citizens.  The right side is going to win and I am going to win.

Joker : A day later.

Lady Shiva:  Bruce, it’s time you use your skills in real life. There is this terrorist. He is called the Bronze Tiger.  He is causing death and destruction.  He needs to be stopped.

Joker : Three months later.

Bronze Tiger : You are known as Batman. You have been defeating my troops more than the Chinese, but you can’t beat me. So I challenge you to a one on one battle with no weapons and masks. I’m fighting for what’s right and I am going to win.

Bruce : You are known as the Bronze Tiger.

You have been defeating the global superpower known as China but you can’t beat me. I agree to your terms.  I don’t need fancy gadgets to beat you. I will show my face.  I’m fighting for what’s right and I’m going to win.

Joker: A day later

Bronze Tiger. You are  a billionaire!

Bruce: Let’s just fight.

<epic fight scene>

Bronze Tiger : I surrender.

Joker : An hour later

Bruce : Lady Shiva, I have captured the Bronze Tiger

Lady Shiva : Do you know why I became an assassin?

Bruce : No. Why?

Lady Shiva : I became an assassin to kill people who kill innocents but say they are fighting for liberty. People like Bronze Tiger. They are liberating people from life. If we kill them.  We are saving innocent lives. You are going to kill the Bronze Tiger. The first kill is always the hardest. There is a thought. That Bronze Tiger doesn’t deserve to die. That thought is thinking of him is innocent.  He is not innocent.

Bruce: Pause.  For just a second  I realized that  I needed something to  stop me from becoming a monster. The three bat commandments.  Number one. Torture is a last resort. Torture can be a good way to get info, but should be a last resort to get info. Number two. Disregard the law. I can’t let the law stop me from my vengeance.  Number three. No killing. Killing is an irredeemable act.  If I kill,  what makes me different from those I fight.  Unpause.

Bruce :  Bronze Tiger run.

Lady Shiva : You have betrayed me. Go now.

Bruce : Let’s see if Lex kept his phone number the same.  Hey Lex.

Lex : Is that you, Brucey

Bruce : Yes. Don’t call me Brucey

Lex : It’s been 13 years since I last heard your voice. How’s it been?

Bruce :It’s been OK.  I am now a powerful warrior.  I am now known as Batman.

Lex : You are Batman!  Well, I’m going to send you a plane to Gotham. I’m going to get Thomas Elliot to meet you too. 

Bruce : No.  He might still be mad at me for promising that his parents will survive but they don’t  survive.

Lex : OK.

Joker :  Eight hours later. 

Bruce : Hello. I was surprised when I heard you took my place as CEO. Congratulations, Lex.  Or should I say Mr Luther. Can you please make a lie for why I was gone for thirteen years. 

Lex : OK Brucey.

Bruce : Don’t call me Brucey

Lex : You chose that nickname. I made this company amazing.  It will be hard to leave it.

Bruce : What, you’re leaving?

Lex : Of course. I am not going to let you be in charge of me

Bruce : I was looking forward to that.

Lex : I’m going to call my new company LexCorp. You should make a public statement.

Bruce : Tomorrow.  I have more pressing matters to attend to.

Joker : An hour later.

Alfred  : Bruce, your back!

Bruce: I told you I would come back.

Alfred : Are you an assassin?

Bruce : No. I don’t kill. I am still going to fight crime. Do you know anyone who has the same goal as me, that I should work with?

Alfred : Yes.  There are two that come to mind. First, is commissioner Jim Gordon.  He is a trusted police officer. One of the few that are not corrupt.  His most famous quote is I only trust one percent of my officers. He is probably in his police station.

Joker:  Thirty minutes later.

Bruce : Hello, I’m Batman.  You can’t defeat Gotham crime without help.  Most of your cops are taking money from those they swore to fight.  You said it yourself. You only trust one percent of your cops. Why not get a powerful warrior on our side. Why not let me fight with you and your one percent under my own terms.

Jim Gordon : Batman you are right . I am desperate, but don’t you think I’m going to let a Tibetin warrior who wears all black…. Wait, you are known for siding with the government. You did that in Tibet. OK, I agree, but at the first clue of betrayal, the deal is off.

Joker :Thirty minutes later. 

Alfred: Did Jim say yes to the deal?

Batman : Yes. Who’s next.

Alfred : For the first time in Gotham history,  a rich person got prosecuted. The one who prosecuted him is a great prosecutor named Harvey Dent.

Joker: Thirty minutes later.

Harvey : Are you an assassin sent to kill me

Bruce : No, I’m here to help you. You are known as a great prosecutor.  You prosecuted a billionaire but you need a lot of evidence to prosecute the rich.

Harvey : What’s the catch? Who do you want me to prosecute? Because I only prosecute murderers.

Bruce: There’s no catch. I just want these crime lords locked up.

Harvey : I agree to the deal.

Joker : One day later.

Lex : It is time for the public statement.

Bruce : Hello, I’m Bruce Wayne. I’m back from a coma to make my city and country better. I have already donated millions to charity. Yes, those donations you have been reading about are from me. That’s all I have to say.

Joker: An hour later.

Alfred : Bruce. There is a crime lord atacking sumer street. 

Joker: The end. No questions.  Class dismissed.  I will be back for Catwoman origins. 

Night Claw is seeking revenge of her sister who was murdered by a shrouded government official. She haunted the FBI by day, waiting for a break in the case. All she had learned was that the official was working to deconstruct conservation regulations that would destroy the habitat of the local wolf population. By night, Lucy, aka Night Claw, was a waitress, you know, to pay the rent.

One Thursday, Night Claw decided to visit the area where the official was focused. She was hoping to glean some clues. Wandering around the forest with a compass and her phone, she didn’t see any reason that anyone in power would care about this place. There was no construction planned in the area. It was remote and there were not even any mines or speculation about mineable areas. What was the point?

When she got home, she went through her sister’s stuff again. Mia had some sort of weird wolf obsession because she had sketches of wolves scribbled all over her notebooks. That’s where Lucy had gotten the nickname Night Claw, from Mia when they were little. She came to a page that was folded over and stuck a little. She peeled it up, careful not to tear whatever was inside. There was a scribble: wolfboards.org, canalupa, $g7kk90<. That was all, but it was new info, not seen by her or the detectives.

Lucy didn’t know whether to follow the lead herself, or to bring it to the detectives. It was late now, so no harm in going to the site then bringing it to the detectives in the morning. She went to wolfboards.org on her laptop. The site was old; it looked like it was running message board software from the late nineties and hadn’t been updated since. Yet the conversation was active.

The user canalupa hadn’t posted in almost two months, but looking through their post history, they had been very active previously. There was also a thread about their absence that started about 3 weeks ago and was basically people sending best wishes. No one knew that Mia had died.

Mia had started a number of threads in her account, all conservation based, but a few targeting government regulators. The most common name in her criticism was John Maynard. A quick google search showed that he was a representative who was lobbied by several corporations to loosen local conservation efforts. Some of his legislation did reduce the protections on the land Lucy had visited earlier. She had seen some of this stuff already in Mia’s personal stuff, newspaper clippings along with lots of rants against him.

Along with these, she posted lots of pictures from the remote forest. In some of these photos, you could see wolves were near the photographer. Had Mia taken these close ups of wolves herself? Was anyone considering a wolf attack? No, they said she had a bullet to the head, which is why she was not allowed to see the body, her face was too mangled? Was it a cover up? Because she would have hated to see further actions against the wolves because of her death?

She needed to see the body! But how? First thing the next morning, she went to the FBI officer and spoke to the the usual family liaison officer, Marge Haverford. She told Marge she needed to see the body, or atleast whatever pictures they had of it. She stated as a direct relative she had that right and that they wouldn’t be talking her out of it.

“All right, I understand. What are you looking for, asking to see the pictures? Are you hoping for closure, because I can refer you to a great grief counselor.”

“No, I have questions about the condition and I’m not sure I believe the lines I’ve been fed.”

“Ok, well I can answer your questions without putting you through the trauma of seeing your sister in such a condition.”

“Fine, you might think I’m crazy, but I need to know if there were wolves involved in this incident.”

Marge gasped. “Oh, child, how did you know!? Wait, let me pull up the pictures. You should see this.” Marge typed a few things into her console and then Mia’s folder was pulled up.”You see, when authorities arrived on the scene, there were wolves everywhere. They suspected a wolf attack right away but no one reported that because they were afraid of backlash against the wolves. Then as they approached your sister, there was not a scratch or bite mark on her. There was a bullet wound to the head as we told you, and a dead wolf nearby, also shot. The wolves didn’t hurt your sister. They were protecting her.”

Lucy was dumbstruck. She quickly recomposed herself and asked Marge about the suspected motive. Marge was vague, obtuse even. She said they thought it had to do with land conservation, but that was all she knew. She said that due to recent regulation changes, shooting the wolf as well did not escalate the seriousness of the crime. Investigators are looking into corruption but they don’t have enough evidence to take anyone to court for the murder alone. Corruption charges would be even harder to prosecute.

“Ok, can I get a copy of these pictures of her body, for my own peace of mind” Mia asked Marge.

“Unfortunately, no, not while it is an active investigation. When the case is closed you can though, and you can come to me anytime to look at them.”

“Ok, thanks, one more thing, I found Mia had an account on wolfboards.org, a wolf message forum. Her username was canalupa. I can write that down for you.” Lucy did not want to also give them the password. It just didn’t feel right.

“Ok, thanks hun, please do write it down.” So she did.

Lucy had a lot of mixed emotions from the encounter. On one hand, she was elated to learn about the bond Mia had with the wolves. On the other, she was no closer to understanding who killed her sister and why.

A couple nights later, she was no closer to any revelations. She was waitressing down at the Surf and Turf Manor when two businessmen with suits came in and were seated in her section. Her first thought was that she hoped they tipped well. Local business men sometimes did, and sometimes were stingy. Her second thought was that one looked familiar. Could it be that John Maynard walked right into her section of her restaurant. She stepped outside really quickly and googled him, just to be sure, and alas, it was him! Now what? She had to act cool, not rash. She couldn’t let him know who she was or that she suspected he might be involved in Lucy’s murder.

She had no plan, but she had better go and get their drink orders. “What can I get you two to drink?” She asked when she got to their table.

John smiled brightly at her, “I’ll have a beer, whatever you have on tap.” She noticed he was handsome, mid thirties or maybe early forties, and had a polished, politician-like smile.

His associate concurred, “Yes, a beer for me as well, do you have Heineken?”

“Yes, we sure do. With a glass?”

“Yes, please.” He smiled as well, but not with the same polish, more sincere than John’s.

“Alright, I’ll be right back with those.” That was totally unfruitful, except that she did not give them her name, on purpose in case John was following the investigation.

“So now, no criticism.” John was saying to his associate when Lucy returned to the table with their drinks. They had been talking quietly while she was gone, so she had no idea what they were on about.

She had no reason to be too curious so she just asked, “Are you ready to order appetizers or your meal yet or would you like another minute?”

The mystery man asked John, “Do you want to split a pizza?”

John laughed, “That’s what I was going to say! I like everything on my pizza, even anchovies.”

“Ew, just cheese for me.” He turned to me, “Can we have a half and half pizza, half everything and half cheese, but make sure the half cheese isn’t contaminated by a single anchovie?”

I laughed, “I can put that in as a special request. Any appetizers to hold you over while that’s cooking?”